


My Reason

by TacticalCupcakes



Category: Doki Doki Literature Club! (Visual Novel)
Genre: Depression, Gen, Suicide Notes, Triggers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-10
Updated: 2019-09-10
Packaged: 2020-10-13 23:17:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 861
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20590766
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TacticalCupcakes/pseuds/TacticalCupcakes
Summary: Before Sayori makes an attempt on her own life, she decides to leave a note.A story written for National Suicide Prevention Day.





	My Reason

_To whoever finds this note,_

_ <strike>Hello Hi Hey</strike> _ _ I can’t do this anymore. I just want everything to stop. It’s become increasingly clear that no matter which path I take, there is only pain at the end of it. _

_At this point, I don’t really see a purpose in hiding things any further, so I might as well come out and say it; I’m not the cheerful, energetic girl you might think I am. Although I’ve tried my best to soothe everyone’s worries, I couldn’t bear to shatter the illusion I’ve spent so long maintaining. I’m already a lost cause, and it would be unfair to bring everyone down with me to this dark, hopeless place. _

_Every day, as soon as I leave the door to my house, I try to wear what I hope looks like a genuine smile. It takes so much effort to just get through the day, even though I barely do anything at all. I’m such a lazy freeloader, coasting on the successes of my friends, desperately reaching for the drive to keep going, but I fail to find it. _

_Although I could never follow through with anything before, I’m not going to be lazy anymore. Some people might call me a coward for taking the easy way out instead of being a big girl and actually doing something about my problems, and that’s okay. Because at the end of the day, that’s who I really am._

_Please don’t be too upset when I go away. This is a good thing; you won’t have to worry about me anymore, and I won’t cause anybody anymore trouble. I don’t deserve your sympathy; please instead focus on the future, and how bright it will be without me._

_You know, it’s kind of funny. For ages, I’d been thinking about doing something like this, and now that I’m finally doing it, I feel a little bit nervous. I guess I’d always just thought I’d never have the guts to go for it, but hopefully this will be one thing in my life that I don’t screw up. And although I’m a bit nervous, there’s also a sense of calm, knowing that soon I’ll be free._

_I wish I could say goodbye in person to the people that I hold close to me, but I’m afraid I can’t wait that long. I’m going to be selfish one last time, because if I don’t do this now I’m going to chicken out. I guess instead of that, I’ll write out some stuff I want to say to them._

_To my parents: Please don’t blame yourselves; you’ve done nothing wrong. I’m the only one who should feel any kind of guilt. This is the best thing for me. I can be happy now. I know me being born put a bit of a wedge between you (I heard you two fighting about how much stress I was causing you when I was a kid), but now you’ll be able to repair your relationship._

_To Natsuki: You have so much drive, and you deserve so much happiness. I really liked the cupcakes you made when I brought Emery to the club! You’ll have to whip up some more for the two of you to share: the quickest way to someone’s heart is through their stomach, right?_

_To Yuri: I wish I could have gotten to know you better. I’m sorry that I was so weird when we met up at the park yesterday; I really did want to help you have a good time. I want you to never stop being yourself, okay? Whilst I might not like spooky stuff as much as you, that’s okay! You’ve got a lot of passion about the stuff you like, and that’s really cool to see. _

_To Monika: I still don’t know what you saw in me when you asked me to be the Vice President of the literature club, but I’m really happy that you did come up to me. My times in the club were some of the few moments where things felt like they might be okay for a little while, and at least part of that’s because you’re such a great leader and kept things on track. I’m sorry that I’m leaving you without a Vice President, but anybody else in the club would be far better at the job than I ever could be. You’ve got this; I know you do._

_To Emery: I love you. I did actually feel happy when you told me you loved me, but I couldn’t shake the sharp pain in my heart when I heard those words. I had unfairly guilted you into telling me you loved me, and it just wouldn’t be right for me to make you care about me. We’ve known each other for as long as I can remember, and I will always cherish the memories we made together. Stay strong, okay? _

_…I think that’s all I wanted to write. I don’t really know how you’re supposed to end one of these, so I’ll just say one more thing before I go._

_No more tears, okay? Just happy thoughts. _

_Love,_

_~Sayori_


End file.
